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As an entrepreneur or self-employed professional, it can sometimes feel like everyone “wants a piece,” and we can feel pressured to add things to our plate, say yes to projects, or invest time doing things when we really don’t want to, and when we really don’t have the time to spare. The solution? In a word: Boundaries. Unfortunately, setting -- and holding -- boundaries is often easier said than done, especially for heart-centered souls who want to help people.  We take on more work than we can handle, overcommit our resources and don’t say no -- or when  we DO say no, we can often come into the conversation feeling overworked, frustrated and ready to blame everyone else for “demanding” of us, so we act like a jerk. So how do you set boundaries -- without turning people off? Before we get to some strategies, here’s the hard truth:  if other people are taking advantage of your time and goodwill, it’s because you allow it.  You are the source of your own experience.  So first you must acknowledge and accept responsibility for your role in the dynamic, and then forgive yourself -- and others -- for all the times and ways you allowed your boundaries to be crossed.  (It might be a good idea to write down all the boundaries you feel have been crossed, and acknowledge and accept your responsibility for each, one at a time.) Next, create new agreements by having some crucial conversations.  Here’s how those could go: “In the past I’ve said yes to _______, and that’s no longer workable (here’s why). Because I want to continue supporting you (working with you, serving you, etc.) at the highest level, I’d like to make some new agreements going forward.” Then gain agreement.* When you do this, you take the emotional charge out of the request -- cause you’re not blaming anyone for the past -- and you gain buy-in for the new boundary. *** I know that might sound a little strange -- gaining agreement -- since the whole thing with boundaries is that they’re YOURS. And, it helps to enroll other people in your new way of working by showing how it serves them too.*** Now you have the opportunity to set the new boundary,  for example: “I’ll only be working during business hours from now on,” or “the best way to communicate with me going forward is via email, rather than text,” or “when you have a tech problem, please open a ticket…” You get the idea. Hope that helps!! Try it and let me know what happens :) xoxo,

Did you know that your heart isn't just an organ pumping blood, that it actually has its own wisdom and intelligence?  There’s a common misconception that human intelligence is solely a function of that big, gray organ that resides in our heads. But it turns out that the brain isn’t our only source of intelligence. According to the  Heartmath Institute ,  your heart has nearly 40,000 neural cells,  and an electromagnetic field that can reach up to 25 feet out beyond your body. In fact: "Research has shown that the heart communicates to the brain in four major ways:  neurologically  (through the transmission of nerve impulses), biochemically (via hormones and neurotransmitters), biophysically (through pressure waves) and energetically (through electromagnetic field interactions)." So when we talk about instincts or an "inner voice," the latest science indicates that part of what we may be experiencing is our heart's wisdom.  We all have it, but it can be easy to lose the connection when we’re so busy working to grow our businesses and tend to our busy lives. As entrepreneurs, most of us will default to “strategy mode” when there’s a problem to solve.  We’re great at analyzing a particular issue and hitting it from a place of intellect – and that can be very effective  – but we tend to forget that we have this other, incredible wisdom resource at our disposal. Your mind has good information, but it doesn’t have the whole story.  And it can justify anything, even a decision that you know deep down isn’t right. That is why it’s so important to make time to connect with your inner wisdom, with your heart. One way that I personally do this is to  schedule regular check-ins with myself -- every morning and every night, as a matter of fact.  For some people, this could mean meditating, or journaling every night before bed. Writing helps to synthesize all the information you've taken in during the day and process your feelings around what you've experienced. What  you do is less important than making the time to do it.  Create a practice that gets the internal connection with yourself going, so that you can hop out of the rat race and into a deeper state of awareness -- even if only for a few minutes.  Tap into your heart and give your brain a break. :) xoxo,

When was the last time you made something?  Can you remember getting your hands dirty in a pile of clay or writing a short story or painting a picture? For entrepreneurs and self-employed professionals, making time for creativity can often feel like a luxury.  We tend to view our hobbies as just that – hobbies - and have difficulty seeing how they add value to our businesses.  But they do. In so many ways. When you engage in a creative project – purely for the sake of making something – you detach from the need to be perfect.  Think about how you engaged in creative play as a kid, before “life” got in the way and you were caught up in the belief that you needed to  know  everything or have it all “figured out.” When you danced or sang or drew or wrote, nobody expected you to know how to do it “the correct way.” It was enough to be curious. You could try everything without the burden of a results-oriented mindset. When I work on a creative project, I feel totally free to take risks and make mistakes. Often, those “mistakes” can turn into something really cool, but the product is beside the point –  it’s the process of discovery that matters most.  When I’m painting a picture or making a piece of jewelry, I’m able to relax and stop stressing about perfection. I’ve taken this mindset into my business and have seen amazing things happen. As entrepreneurs, we expect our work to give our lives meaning. But  when you allow yourself the time to be creative and curious about your hobbies, you come to the work already fulfilled.  Think about what might happen if you brought joy  to  the job every day, instead of waiting for the job to fulfill you? If you’ve felt a little disconnected from your creative side, ask yourself what would feel like PLAY to you? Then allow yourself the time to engage with that creative pursuit. Let me know what you discover! xoxo,

As you head towards the new year, have you taken some time to reflect on 2018?  Looking forward and making resolutions are great, but over the past few years, I found that a really powerful practice is to spend some time looking back, capturing the lessons from the last year and connecting with the progress I've made. Some of my personal reflections from this past year include that this was a year of spiritual and personal growth for me. I've spent many years looking to master more business skills and strategies, but what was missing for a long time was a consistent spiritual practice. To that end, in 2018 many mentors entered my life to support this development, and people also "left" who were not so supportive of this new direction. I also realized I have a deeper empathy than I ever realized, and that I'd spent years protecting my heart from feeling too deeply. These are massive insights for me that will guide my direction for 2019. What about you? If you haven't already,  consider taking an hour or so to  get quiet and review this past year.  Some questions you may want to try on include: What was my biggest challenge in the past year? What surprise or unexpected situation happened, and what did I learn from it? How did I grow in this past year? What new value or values came through or did I become aware of? What did I master? What am I working to master? Who came into my life? Who left? Am I in alignment with my North Star? With my destiny? Where is life calling me forward? Give this some thought and feel free to shoot me a note to share what you discover! xoxo,

What do you do when you've invested good time, money and energy into a project, relationship or strategy that isn't working -- and you're not sure if you should keep investing, or let it go?  There’s a concept I learned about in business school called "the fallacy of sunk costs." For most of us, once we give time, money or energy to something, we tend to keep investing those resources, even if what we’re investing in clearly isn’t working out. The conversation we have with ourselves often goes something like this: “ Well, I’ve already put a $50,000 dollars into this project so if I walk away now, I’ve lost that money.”  We think of that $50,000 as sitting in a safe location somewhere when the truth is, that money is gone. It’s sunk into the project . Instead of thinking about what you've already invested, ask yourself, “If I were to start this project over from scratch, would it be worth the additional resources necessary to move it forward?”  If the answer is no, then it's better to walk away. You can apply this lesson to any relationship, project, or experience you’ve invested in over the last twelve months.  Ask yourself if it makes sense to continue investing given everything you now know. Is the project in alignment with your values? Are the people you’re working with engines or anchors? Is the experience promoting expansion and growth, or holding you back? It can be a challenge to own up to what’s not working and let it go, but when you do, you open up time and space for new opportunities, ones you may not even be aware of yet! xoxo,

The new year is here! If you're like most people, you're ready to start this new year off fresh and make some big changes to create what you want in 2019. For a lot of entrepreneurs, creation is all about strategy and logic. We look at the numbers, decide what we want to improve, lay the groundwork to make it happen and go! But we often forget (or avoid!)  assessing whether our plans are even in alignment with what we  really really  want, with our deepest desires, or with our values and vision. It's SO IMPORTANT at these moments of transition to ask the big questions: What were you put on this planet to do? What is the world calling for from you? What is your highest self pulling you towards? Asking these questions can yield a bigger, more exciting vision for the new year. Once you have that vision, you can give it a name. We call this a theme.  Having a theme helps you stay focused and allows you to separate the mountain of goals, ideas, and projects you'd "like to do," from what you're called to achieve  right now . Depending on where you are in your business, an overall theme might be: Gathering My Tribe Wowing Our Clients Massive Imperfect Action Full Self-Expression Financial Mastery Building our Culture You’ll note that these suggested themes are all general in nature, but they can help to focus your efforts towards underlying goals and objectives. If defining a theme for all of 2019 feels overwhelming, try to land on one for the first 90 days of the year. Let me know what you create! xoxo,

When was the last time you put some focus on the foundational aspects of your business? You already know your vision and theme for the new year. You may be well underway mapping out goals and objectives for the first quarter.  But before you get too deep into what's to come, why not put a little focus on your core business functions?  Remember, if the foundation isn't secure, it's going to be a challenge to build anything on top of it. Take a look at the following list of core business functions and be honest about how you think you're performing in each segment. Marketing & Sales:  This is what you're selling, how you're promoting, who you're selling to and for how much. Financial & Money:  This is how you're managing and tracking your money, using it, budgeting it and forecasting. Mindset & Leadership:  The smaller your business, the more mindset is going to affect every piece of the puzzle. How are you showing up? What's your attitude? Are you energy-rich, or energy-depleted? Distribution & Delivery:  This is the space for systems, tools, and tech; SOPs, processes, and operations to deliver the best client experiences and outcomes. Team & People:  Is your team in alignment? Are you operating with a cohesive vision? Does everyone know their roles and responsibilities? Once you have a sense of how well you’re operating,  ask yourself what you’d like to do in each of these categories.  What do you want to change, expand, or revise for 2019? Maybe it’s time to introduce new programs, produce a podcast, or write a book. Whatever your goals,  remember to consider your stage of business.  If you’re just starting out, it might make the most sense to put more time into marketing or sales. If you’re in a mature stage, you may want to focus on optimizing operations for your team. Taking the time to assess your core business functions now will save you time, money and energy as you work to achieve your big dreams for 2019 and beyond. xoxo,

Do you ever feel like you’re not making progress even though you’re working your butt off?  We tend to view progress as a linear journey. Slow and steady wins the race, right? If we put in the time and effort, each day will be a little better than the last. Makes total sense....  AND,  what I’ve experienced myself and witnessed with clients, is that it’s possible to jump to a whole new level relatively quickly.  I started my business in 2007, and for seven and a half years, I plugged away, nose to the grindstone, day in and day out. Then,  in 2014 I had a huge breakdown-to-breakthrough that took my business to an entirely new level seemingly overnight. The ingredients for this quantum leap?  Well, one was likely all the work I'd put in for the previous seven and a half years, but there were others. So, how do we create the ideal conditions for a quantum leap? Seek Mentorship:  Finding people to guide us and reflect to us things we can't (or sometimes won't!) see for ourselves. Our "Blind Spots." Choose Crew : Surrounding ourselves with people who are continually working to up-level their own lives, and who see us as the BEST version of ourselves. Research shows that we are who we associate with, and we'll rise -- often quickly -- to the level of those around us. Align To Our Values:  When we're making decisions and taking actions congruent with our core values, things fall into place more easily and often, creating optimal conditions for massive breakthroughs. Stay Open and Receptive:  It's easy and common to develop tunnel vision around our goals and objectives. When we do, we close ourselves off to unknown potential and possibilities. The real magic happens when we balance focus with receptivity. Here's to your quantum leaps in 2019!! xoxo,

Last week we talked about the difference between making LINEAR progress, versus QUANTUM leaps.  While the idea of quantum leaps sounds awesome and appealing, it can also be incredibly destabilizing and scary. Everything you thought you knew is suddenly in doubt. You're reorganizing, shaking things up, and it can FEEL like chaos, pain or suffering. Here’s the good news: the destabilization ends. The bad news is that it ends in one of two ways:  you either reorganize at a higher level...  or you backtrack to what's familiar.  This process can really hard, especially since  our culture conditions us to view the external world of outcomes and rewards as the source of all happiness.  “When I get into Harvard, then I’ll be happy,” “When I’m top of my class, then I’ll be happy,” “When I get married and have kids, then I’ll be happy.” So we're constantly projecting into the future, focusing on getting stuff, doing things, achieving, succeeding, and winning SO THAT... we can have, do, or be what we want.  And all this activity may give us the  illusion  that we’re in the driver’s seat, but we're not, not really (just ask anyone who's ever experienced a sudden accident, an unexpected tragedy or a serious health diagnosis). And so periods of destabilization can feel  especially  scary because when our happiness depends on our circumstances,  it's easy to  forget that  we are the source of our experience of life.  If we genuinely want to level-up our way of being, working and living, we MUST find ways to weather those external shakes and shifts by becoming centered and grounded in OURSELVES, while simultaneously choosing, moment by moment, to  embrace the unknown and open up to life -- in all its messy, beautiful, painful, joyous, and unstable, glory.  It's in this dance that we truly expand, and in which the universe can truly revel its great mysteries to us.  It's this dance that leads to truly QUANTUM leaps.  xoxo,

Many wise and brilliant people, from spiritual teachers to scientists, agree that gratitude is the root of happiness.  I have known this -- intellectually, mentally, rationally -- for a long time, but for years, I felt like there was something wrong with me because I rarely felt deep gratitude, especially not as a daily state of being. Gratitude was a platitude to be looked at and remembered once a year on thanksgiving, and perhaps on the rare occasion someone asked me or reminded me to be grateful. And I wasn't totally unaware -- I was ashamed that with all the gifts I had in my life -- financial "success", freedom, support, a great family, friends and business -- why didn't I feel grateful more often? Then I started to explore the distinction of feeling grateful vs. BEING grateful -- living in a state of gratitude at all times.  How could I cultivate gratitude as a way of being, rather than just something I DID every so often? So, for the past several months I've been practicing gratitude, rather than waiting for it to arrive and "overtake" me spontaneously. This practice involves getting still, usually during my morning ritual, putting my hands on my heart and just breathing and focusing on generating the FEELING of gratitude -- not being grateful for "stuff" but rather just tapping into the emotion of gratitude all by itself. As you can probably guess, this has been profoundly impactful for me. My relationships have deepened, my sense of lack has lightened, and an abiding feeling of AWE at the beauty and sanctity of life. Without getting or having more "stuff" (in fact I have less stuff than ever, as I've been whittling down my life), I am happier. One of my friends, mentors and colleagues, Ismael Cala, often asks the question, “How many years do you plan to be dead?” Of course, the answer is "Forever." We’ll be dead forever,  and we'll only be alive for a BRIEF moment in time. Right here, right now.  When we pause each day and remember that simple truth, gratitude gets much easier, and ANY experiences we have -- even the difficult, challenging and painful ones -- become sacred, because they are part of this precious short life that we GET to live. It also becomes way easier to feel deeply grateful for all that we have right now, in this moment. And so it is. xoxo,

Do the people around you tell you the truth? One of the most impactful ways to make progress -- in our careers, in our businesses and in our lives -- is to cultivate relationships with people who call us FORWARD, who see our POTENTIAL, who CHALLENGE us to be bigger, who share our VALUES, who believe in our VISION, and who don't blow smoke up our you-know-whats and pretend everything is rainbows and unicorns, when it isn't. It's the people who'll TELL us when we have spinach in our teeth, and who lovingly hand over the toothpick and mirror to get it out. My friend Nanilea Diamond (podcast Episode #38) says "I won't stand with you in a lie" (even when I think I want her to). That's true friendship. Who's got your back? xoxo,

There's just no way around the fact that real, lasting transformation comes with an identity shift.  Radically changing who you are and how you move through the world can be a challenge – not just for you, but for the people in your life as well. I know this from personal experience. When I finally decided to quit partying and clean up my act, I dealt with a lot of push back from old friends and others in my life. I come from a background where drinking is a big thing -- from where I grew up, to the college I went to, to the magazine industry I worked in for 7+ years -- everyone drank, a LOT. So when I stopped, many of the people around me couldn't understand why I would quit doing something that was the source of so much fun for them. Even though I knew alcohol wasn't serving me any longer, I'd find myself slipping back into old patterns, especially when I'd get the eye-roll and the "you're no fun anymore" after saying no...  All too often my response was "okay, maybe just ONE drink." It felt really difficult to stick to my decision, and I'd often feel like a failure. That is, until I started spending time with others who also didn't drink. Then it became a lot easier and over time, it became a deeper part of my identity. Now, it doesn't matter who I'm around, or what kind of response I get, I have no problem saying no (and I don't mind at all when others drink around me). When your new identity is being witnessed, respected, and honored by the people around you, it’s a lot easier for it to stick.  That's why it's so incredibly powerful to find people who align with what we want, and who help us to condition that new identity. In the coaching group we run, as well as other groups I'm a member of, we all bear witness to each person's intentions and we "hold space" for that person's alignment and transformation. So, go out and find yourself a community that will accept who you're becoming, and reinforce it. Or join ours. We’d love to have you :) xoxo,